Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiun.

Nine days after he passed away, it still feels surreal. There’re still some moments when reality has hit me hard and I’ve realised he’s gone forever.

He was 65. His health had been deteriorating for the last one year. Moreover after my brother’s wedding early this year. Did I mention on previous post that my brother told the family about the wedding plan only six months before the date?  And did I mention that he was papa’s favourite child? And he was the last of the sibling-hood to get married? Thinking about it now, Allah really is the best of planners. And deep inside my heart, I had had a feeling for it, but never thought it would be this soon.

He passed away when my plane took off, or was about to. And somehow I knew, it could be happening when I was flying. Hence I did not switch the airplane mode on until I passed CKG’s immigration. It was when I was waiting for the luggage alone ( Toto went to ATM), all the messages from my aunts and cousins popped up on locked-screen and words of “RIP” and “Innalillahi” were read. For a few seconds my mind went blank. I was not crying. I rather felt numb.

A man’s rank in paradise will be elevated, so he will ask, “how did I achieve this?”. It will be said to him, “as a result of your child seeking forgiveness for you.” – Prophet Muhammad SAW.

My family’s story was complicated. He might not be a perfect father, but above all I was far from being a good daughter. I used to have 101 reasons and answers for that, but now he was gone, those reasons sound meaningless. And I’m left heartbroken.

I know tears and regrets won’t help me and him anything. Especially him. I regret many things, yes of course, but for my relief, as long as I am still breathing, I can still do much more good things for him. Allah indeed works in amazing way, don’t you agree? The life of my parents, it’s tangled, yet it’s shaped our characters, their children. In a certain way, I’m forever grateful for that.

My heart aches and I think it will never be healed. And maybe I don’t want it to be healed as it will constantly remind me for being a daughter I should have been for him. A daughter I should be for my mom, now my only door to Jannah.

I can’t recall exactly when, but during that moment of sadness and great loss, I contemplated a lot of things about life and relationship. About my purpose on earth. I reflected my 20+ years of adulthood and to tell you the truth, I am not proud of most of it. I had always thought I had been pretty decent as a human being, but come to thing about it again now, I know I wasted a lot of time, money, and energy on trivial stuff.

I am fully aware now that I am not only responsible for my afterlife, but at least for my parents’ and my husband’s , too. And how could I somehow help them if I myself do not live my life in a right way? I am not sure if I can call it a life-changing moment, but sure, this loss and regret I am feeling now gives me a firm life purpose. It’s not gonna be easy, I know, but I am trying.

Papa, I promise I’ll be a better person, a better daughter, everyday for the rest of my life. You named me Raudah, a name I carry with pride. It’s a reminder to me to always be good. That my name is my parents’ prayer, your duaa. Therefore, may the iman and the taqwa I have in me be a door for you to Jannah. May all the goodness I do be a shield for you from the Fire. And may my duaa, my prayers everyday be your garden of paradise in Al Barzakh. Aamiin. 

Thank you, Papa, for the life I am having now. 

Brother #1 ‘s Wedding

[late post for January 2017]

CONGRATS, Love Birds!

The Bride & The Groom.
The Kongs
Cagub Bonyong Kenyot & Nyonyah. 🙂

With this trip to Jakarta, my jetsetter’s life had officially started. 🙂

We flew to Jakarta on the last day of year 2016 for a week stay to attend my brother’s wedding. The next morning after the party, we returned to Singapore as husband had a morning flight to Tokyo the day after, and I would then join him a day later. – please don’t bother to figure it out.

We stayed in Japan for 3 weeks. YAY!

Having flown back to Singapore at the end of January, got 3 days to unpack-do laundry-repack, then off we went to Jakarta again. Technically we’re in j-town for around 2 weeks, 8-9 days we had been off to the holy lands.

Exhausted. Yet really grateful and super happy!

But, still … exhausted.

I wonder how those travel bloggers manage to keep their sanity between the hectic schedules and their impeccable instagram feed.



[late post for October 2016]

Finally, the day was here.

Hahaha ini gaung reuni feui angkatan 96 kedengeran udah dari awal 2015 rasanya. Kebetulan puti dan rateh ikut di kepanitiaan, jadi gank kita mayan update sama beritanya. Lama nunggu hari H nya = punya banyak waktu buat mengurangi ke-chubby-an 🙂 Gak usah bohong deh .. penting dong ya kelihatan maksimal pas reuni? LOL. Harapan sih engga muluk-muluk, cuma pengen penampakan gak terlalu berubah drastis dari jaman kuliah dulu … huahahhha – ngarep amat! 🙂

Sempat nunda-nunda beli tiket. Sempat terlintas “datang gak ya?” – karena males mikirnya kalo harus terbang sendiri. Tapi terus ternyata toto bisa cuti jumat dan senin buat nemenin ke Jakarta (baik banget kan! hihihi. padahal istrinya kemungkinan besar bakal ketemu mantan di reuni 😀 ). Setelah beli tiket, lalu mengeluarkan ultimatum ke chat-group gank kuliah “gue dah beli tiket, awas ya kalo kalian gak datang.” Hihihihihi alhamdulillah selain reny yang di doha dan shynta yang di malaysia, semuanya hadir dong.

Sekilas gosip. Konon ada beberapa pihak yang sekan memboikot reuni ini. Ada grup yg merasa bahwa reuni hanya membawa ketidakbaikan. Hura hura & resiko CLBK. Yes, you read it right! Takut clbk. Bok ah, ini udah 15 tahun dari kita lulus loh, engga gitu gitu amat juga deh. Lagian gue cukup percaya sama keprofesionalan panitia reuni feui sih ya. Terus ada juga yang engga mau datang kerena acaranya engga di kampus jadi kurang berkesan. Duh! – Tapi alhamdulillah, akhirnya acara sukses banget. Dari total hampir 400 mahasiswa, yang daftar 250-an, & yang datang 230-an. Ada yg datang dr inggris, south africa, papua, palu, aceh, malaysia, dan singapura ( yay rika & osseu!!)

Pas di Jakarta, yang rumahnya di selatan pada janjian di citos, lalu berangkat ke venue di Jakarta Theater dianter keponakannya osseu.

shanty, yuditha, winda, rika, osseu


Sampai di tempat acara, daftar diri, dikasih kaos, dan foto-foto dulu, Kaosnya keren banget ya! Banyak anak dari fakultas lain dan angkatan lain yang muji-muji ide kaos menyerupai jaket kuning ini. Bahkan beberapa orang sempat nyangka ( lihat dari foto) kalau kita emang pake jaket kuning!

minus shynta & reny.


Di ruangan tempat acara :

bersama pokusers ( gank anak anak kos pondok kukusan)
friends for life.
ini kayaknya lagi ngeliatin panitia ngasih contoh “salam senior” . membayangkan dulu melakukan ini bisa >10x sehari selama sebulan itu kayaknya hina banget. 😀



Sebelum bubar.

I like this picture a lot. Kondisinya mirip dengan situasi kita ospek di auditorium dekanat. Duduk empel-empelan di barisan tangga gini sambil pake jaket kuning. Tentunya, minus perasaan tertekan dan ragu kalau masih bertahan hidup esok harinya.



The day was fun and truly a memory we’d cherish forever. Terima kasih buat panitia, you guys rock! Pengorbanan waktu, tenaga, dan uang dari mereka pastinya terbayar dengan menguningnya timeline sosial media selama berhari-hari.



pic courtesy of wikipedia

Shanghai. The city that had never been on my dream destination list. Even though I am half chinese, the idea of having a vacation on the land of the mainlanders had never crossed my mind. I’d thought if they could behave in such obnoxious manner in foreign lands, how would their attitude be in their homeland? Turned out, I had been quite prejudice. I labelled all the 1.3 billion people of China by the attitude of hundreds or thousands, or maybe a few millions I had crossed path with. Blame me.

My husband had been travelling to SH since early this year. He did ask me in January if I wanted to go with him, but I said no thanks. Hahaha. First, have I mentioned I hate flying? I won’t do it if I don’t have to. There has to be a strong reason to make me board a plane. Second, it was winter and yes, it also needs an exciting point to make me deal with the harsh cold weather. Third, why wasted the money for something I was not too excited for? Better saved it for next time, I thought.

And aha!, that better next time did really happen! 🙂 While the city itself had never been on my bucket list, visiting all the Disney Parks was on the top of the list. So when Shanghai Disneyland was officially opened in June, I asked my husband to tag me along on his upcoming trip. So there was it, my first visit to China in September 2016. And SH was a good start since this time I had all the reasons to come, nebeng bistrip nemenin suami and SHDL. 

Since I had planned my trip, I had been avoiding all negative news about SHDL. I didn’t see that live video circulated on social media about a child defecating in an open area in SHDL. I had bought the air ticket and I thought “Oh well, it was a Disneyland after all, for better or worse I just had to go”. Honestly I did put my expectation to the lowest. My trip was totally based on my faith that Disney must have done something to fix this issue as they should’ve been aware about the video. I also browsed many pictures geo-tagged with SHDL location on Instagram, and asked some of the IGers their reviews. All of those I asked, gave me positive ones and that lifted my hope.


And the reality was waaaayyyy beyond my hope and expectation. I still think I must have done something good before the trip that my husband and I were incredibly lucky that day in the park, it couldn’t get any better. I will write the story separately, all I can say here, I will definitely return to SHDL in the near future.

Three weeks I have been in Shanghai, I have enjoyed every single day I was there. Well, maybe I was just being there at the right time, crossing path with the right people, and sightseeing to the right places. Yeah, maybe I was that lucky. Whatever it was, I always believe that positive mind would get you to a better place than the negative would do. Not saying I am always positive, quite opposite, I used to worry too much on small stuff that it was tiring and led me to nothing. I guess the most important is to understand the place you’re heading for. Make an adequate plan, a necessary back up plan, and be vigilant wherever you go.

Before the trip, I had been prepared for the worst regarding mainlanders’ etiquette issue, like maybe I would get scolded by strangers or step on icky things on the street, or I might see stuff that shouldn’t be seen. But nothing that I had not experienced when I was in Jakarta had happened during my SH trip. Except that lingering smell all over the city that I didn’t fancy at all 🙂

I’m not saying Shanghai was incredibly lovely that I fell in love with it and loved to come back every year if money was not the problem though. Keep that honourable spot just for Japan, shall we? I just want to highlight that it was not that bad. As tourist, we just need to know the right places to go, the right toilet to go in to ( like seriously, THANK GOD, I always entered the right ones), and the right person to ask whatever it is you need to ask. I mean, isn’t it like that every time we travel to a new place?

I will blog a series of posts to cover all the three weeks I was in SH. I make a promise to myself I will complete all of them before end of 2016. Hopefully I can push myself harder and manage to write about the recent trip to Hong Kong with my family before new year. I don’t want to repeat the same stupid thing. I regret not writing about our two months stay in Basel two years ago. Sigh.


Girls’ trip to Melaka.

UNESCO World Heritage City Melaka. Impressive shot by Dyan.
UNESCO World Heritage City Melaka.
Impressive shot by Dyan.

Mid April this year, we finally actualised our girls’ trip plan, to Melaka/Melacca. For years I’d wanted to visit this culture-rich city, but never been realised. Then suddenly I went there twice in less than two months. Toto and I had had a weekend trip 1.5 months earlier. And due to the lack of good pictures and similar itinerary with this girls’ trip, so let’s skip blogging that one 🙂

We had planned to go in April, on weekend before my birthday, because Toto had to go overseas for a three weeks business trip. I couldn’t love these girls more, they really made the three weeks not too hard to live on.

We took a coach from Concorde Hotel Orchard on saturday morning. Arriving at Melaka, drop off point was Casa Del Rio Hotel, at lunch hour. Our hotel, located in Jonker Street neighbourhood, was like 5-10 minutes walking distance from Casa, depending on how long your legs are. 🙂 I think we took 15-20 minutes to reach the hotel. Not that our legs were shorts ( that was an unnecessary-and-unworthy-to-mention fact), but because two of us dragging a luggage **rolling my eyes** and we stopped every a few meter to take pictures and selfies.

pic taken by Diah.

The hotel, Courtyard at Heeren Boutique Hotel, had a quite impressive interior. It’s a mix of old peranakan house and minimalist design. What we found out later when we checked out, the site was huge! It had typical peranakan house that was rather narrow but long. And this house was extra extra long. The room though, was decent and just nice. It accommodated four of us well, but not much room to move around. If you are vacationing with some friends and you will go out all day, try this hotel!

The hotel lobby. pic taken by Dyan.
The hotel lobby.
pic taken by Dyan.
The room for four. pic taken by Diah.
The room for four.
pic taken by Diah.


What We Did in Melaka?


We ate the famous Hoe Kee chicken rice balls. We had durian chendol twice ( my score from previous trip with the husband was unbeatable as we had devoured 3 bowls of durian chendol in 24 hours). We dined at Jonker hawker place. And of course, some peranakan dishes at Kocik Kitchen.

Konsen banget! pic taken by Dyan.
Konsen banget!
pic taken by Dyan.


Hoe Kee chicken rice balls. pic was a document from previous trip.
Hoe Kee chicken rice balls.
pic was a document from previous trip.
peranakan dishes at Kocik Kitchen.
peranakan dishes at Kocik Kitchen.

Tourist site visits.

DAY ONE. Saturday Afternon – Evening.

Because we are a bunch of “mager(-ers)”, we didn’t explore the town farther than 3 kilometres from our hotel / Jonker Street. However, there’s more than enough places to see for a one day trip.

Red house, ruins of St. Paul church, and Jonker Street area for day 1.

pic taken by our talented photographer-friend, Dyan.
pic taken by our talented photographer-friend, Dyan.
pic taken by me.
pic taken by me.
pic lensed by Dyan.
ruins od St. Paul church, Melaka. pic lensed by Dyan.
pic lensed by Dyan.
pic lensed by Dyan.
pic taken by Diah.
ruins of St. Paul church, Melaka. pic taken by Diah.
Street food at Jonker Street, Pic was a doc from previous trip.
Street food at Jonker Street,
Pic was a doc from previous trip.

DAY TWO. Sunday Morning – Afternoon.

I’d scored a nonya kebaya and a bowl of durian chendol before we took a rickshaw ride ( I shared doraemon one with Enjela ^^) to Afamosa site.

the photographer.
the photographer.
the sisters.
the sisters.
lensed by Dyan.
lensed by Dyan.
pic lensed by mas mas blue random :)
afamosa. pic lensed by mas mas bule random 🙂

Last itinerary was Baba and Nyonya Heritage Museum .

We weren’t allowed to take picture once we passed the foyer area. I don’t know why, but I did manage to take one picture of the room after the foyer with my phone ( I know … I shouldn’t have.). Later, after finishing our house tour, Diah told us she got goosebumps upstair around the master bedroom belonged to the family patriarch and indeed rumour has it that some old houses along Jonker neighbourhood was haunted. Scary as hell, I deleted the picture from my phone right away. LOL.

Aside from that rumour, as a matter of fact I was really fascinated by the house and the history of the family. Everything about late of 19th century and early of 20th century always piques my interest. I could spend a long hours just to browse about women in Edwardian and Victorian era.

foyer of Baba & Nyonya heritage museum. lensed by Dyan.
foyer of Baba & Nyonya heritage museum.
lensed by Dyan.

Have Fun and Do What Girls Gotta Do.

the reason why we needed a long time having breakfast.
the reason why we needed a long time for breakfast.
breakfast situation.
breakfast situation.
gerah. peliket. mau masuk cafe/resto lagi tapi perut penuh.
gerah. peliket. mau masuk cafe/resto lagi tapi perut penuh.
what we did to kill time until coach departure time.
what we did to kill time until coach departure time.
what we did to kill time until coach departure time.
what we did to kill time until coach departure time (2).
made the most of free wifi. ;) pic taken by Enjela.
made the most of free wifi. 😉
candidly taken by Dyan.


Special thanks to Dyan for supplying us plenty of professionally taken photos.



Our sixth Ied in Singapore. Six times we did not celebrate the day with our family back home in Jakarta. Well, I get used to it now.

Since we moved into this house we call home in 2013, we somewhat always had open house on the day of Ied-Fitr. Mostly it was an impromptu idea. I am pretty scared though, because it has a tendency to grow bigger each year :D.

This year, we had successfully hosted 20+ people! So much for a quiet Ied we had initially planned when Ramadan had just started. Half month before Ied, husband said “I think we need to have open house again this year. Banyak yang gak pulang Indo dan udah lama pada gak ngumpul.” :D:D Oh well, I suspected it was him throwing the idea first. I imagine if we lived in Jakarta, we would have had regular get-together party at home.

Gone was my hope to have peaceful last days of Ramadan this year. But of course, at the end of the day, it’s always been a real pleasure to occasionally have some friends visit and hang around our home.

Here’s some pics of the day.




pic courtesy of dyan
pic courtesy of dyan



Thanks, everyone, for coming!

Still …

Still here … still generally happy, and still with my insistent mood swing.

And i found this old time favourite never fails to soothe my occasionally-bad temper.

Oh, and i love this version sung by X-Factor’s Matt Cardle as well.


a thought from my restless mind

Warn you that this post is a bit unusual. Just like me recently who somehow have been slightly out of characters. So you’d better ignore it. Or read it and then forget it as it’s just a random thought from my restless mind.

If there’s one thing i could be proud of myself, it would be my ability to control myself. To have emotional stability. To keep impulsiveness at bay. To have awareness that there is a purpose why my head and brain are placed above the rest. That is why my husband is lucky enough to never deal with PMS-possessed wife.

But lately, i think i’m losing it. I feel like something inside me trying to break free. Despite of having a wonderful life with no mishaps and whatsoever, i sometimes found myself feel sad and disappointed. To nothing. Yeah i know i am lying to myself when i said nothing, because although i don’t know what it is, i know there’s something.

A certain thought told me what caused all the anguish i am feeling. A part of me wanted to deny it because it made me look shallow. Good God, i beg your mercy!

This kind of life i am living now, is so far exceeding what i thought it would be. Life is good. I get what i want. I get what i need and what i thought i didn’t need. Of course not in 10 of 10. But all in all, it seems almost perfect.


A few things, a very few things that i never thought i wouldn’t get, apparently become things that are near to impossible for me to get. A very basic things. I’ve always thought i could deal with it. Man, was i wrong! I suspected that i am being punished for my sin in my past life. Geeez!

It’s funny that sometimes i got frustrated with certain good means that i possess. I dislike myself for being so obedient, so accepting. I’ve always been proud that i am far from being a drama queen, but i realise that sometime you need to be one. A crazy one that dares to confront others. I hate it when i really yearn to something but i couldn’t achieve it by my ownself. I hate it when i helplessly need someone but the certain someone has not even tried to make effort.

My life is good. But now i feel wanting it to be more than good. I need it to be better, if not best. Is it wrong if once in a while i am being greedy?


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