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12 years

Alhamdulillah, this November we celebrate our 12th anniversary. Definitely not a short time and I wish we still have many years of togetherness to come. Aamiin.

12 years! Where has the time gone?

12 years and I still couldn’t write words of love 🙂 The truth is I’m not even sure if love is what makes us survive the marriage up to this point. Because we believe marriage is a work of two persons who carry the same vision and value, and aim one destination. Love is there just so the two can bear each other, because seriously, you don’t want to live under the same roof and sleep on a same bed with a person you don’t have affection for. Right? 😀

12 years and it’s a lie if I say we never argued and never had problems. However, if there is something I’m proud of our relationship, it is our ability to communicate as adults. Like any normal couples, of course we don’t always speak with one voice. But when we disagreed over an issue, usually one of us would easily give in and followed the other’s opinion, or we simply agreed to disagree. We basically do not sweat small stuff  and almost never quarrelled. However, for some good years we did actually have complicated issues. Human fall into an ungratefulness so easily, we tend to forget all the goods because of a couple of problems. I was definitely not immune from that and once I was soooo close to ruin what we had. That was years ago though, now every time I reflect on it, all I can see is the beauty of Allah’s plans.

12 years and we still keep a habit of having conversation about everything and nothing on daily basis. Some were meaningful, but mostly they were trivial talks. He could be silly and gossipy – hahaha we’ve tried to limit our gossip session to the least lately, but on the other hand, I couldn’t ask a more compatible partner for discussing profound topics. You know, I am always a deep thinker – more of a complicated thinker actually, an over analytical person. While I know some people hardly deal with this, I never found him questioning my thoughts or frowning over my ideas, no matter strange or random they were. Like it was normal for him that out of nowhere I would ask his opinion about ‘how long ago exactly God sent down Adam to Earth’ in the middle of our dinner. Or suddenly I wanted to know his thought about whether mankind would be able to discover time machine before the end of the world. – No, if you asked me. I don’t think human will ever find time machine, as much as I believe mankind would never have a chance to find and explore the earth-like planet and build a life there. 😉

12 years and he still regards my opinion for almost every aspect of his life. We still eat on dining table every morning for breakfast and (almost) every night for dinner, no matter how late he came home, as long as he hadn’t had his dinner, I would wait for him to eat together. He still snores, loudly. And I still cook the same less tasty, boring, healthy dishes – I think they are not more than 10 recipes, over and over again for years.

12 years and we still manage to respect each other’s privacy. We never look into each other’s phone and emails even though both of us definitely could guess the passwords 🙂 . I personally against it. If I’m curious, I’ll ask. Conversation saves relationship.

12 years and we still manage to keep our fundamental agreement to never share our marriage’s problem with family. Or anyone. We think, a ( conventional) marriage was a decision made by two consent adults, so any troubles in our relationship should not be a concern for others. The only one we can seek advice from is an independent professional, like psychologist or ustadz. You see, walaupun dulu shalat masih bolong-bolong, tapi kami cukup paham kok mana yang boleh dan tidak dalam berumah tangga in islamic way. However, true that it’s not an easy task in reality. Oooh … you don’t know how many times I almost fell into a temptation, namanya juga perempuan ya, apalagi kalau temannya juga curhat masalah dia, bawaannya pengen ikutan cerita kan. 🙂 But so far I managed to just bite my tongue and behaved as a good listener.

12 years and things have changed between us, surround us. The two of us, we have basically grown up and matured together, emotionally and spiritually, that throughout the years we’ve learnt to be less selfish, to be calmer and wiser. Not only we’ve learnt from each other, we also took lessons from those around us. There are couples whose relationship I adored and looked up to, but on the other hand we also saw and heard some marriages brokenheartedly failed. I’ve learnt that when we love and care about someone, we simply couldn’t be selfish toward each other. And when we have to sacrifice, we do it because our heart tells us so. And We don’t brag about it after. And I also think, when we love and care about someone, we shouldn’t be able to hurt them, even when our own heart is broken and our ego is bruised. Furthermore, now I have understood, that when we do something for the sake of Allah, heart will feel lighter. We love someone for the sake of Allah. We do goods for the sake of Allah. So even when this world fails us, even when people disappoint us, we don’t stop loving and being kind. Life is short and we should just trust Allah for the best end.

12 years and it seems that our focus and our life purpose have changed. I am grateful for my husband whose vision and value in life were on the same line with me since the beginning. Even in times where we were growing and changing, we still moved to the same direction. At this point, we are no longer some young adults trying to get fit in society, with a long bucket list and ambitious (worldly) dreams in our pockets. Of course, we still dream big, but our focus has shifted. And instead of a bucket list full of travel destinations and material things, we now have a long list of things to do for our remaining life. In a few months, I’ll be joining him in the club 40s 🙂 . So yes, we are not kids anymore. We no longer have all the time in the world. A lot of things have to be done for our life here not going wasted. By all means, we all will be held accountable for our time, our wealth, and our knowledge in this world.

12 years and now the idea of growing old together is no longer enough for us. Yes, of course we still want to be able to grow old together, but not just simply letting time lure us with distractions and all of sudden we are old already. While we live, we want to help each other building savings for the hereafter, with a hope to be reunited again in the highest jannah. We aim to enjoy this life in a way that does not compromise the life after.

12 years and almost the entire of it, we live in adopted home countries, without our family. Here in Singapore, our close friends mostly, if not all, are of different faiths. Well, not it now becomes a problem, though. It never have and never will. But lately, we have had a need to get connected with people of the same faith, with the same idea of seeing life. That’s why since months ago we have been actively searching opportunities of getting ourselves involved in muslim communities. You know, the husband is always an avid learner. He reads everything and has a constant hunger to learn a new thing – so contrast with the wife. He particularly has interests on languages and arts, even though he’s never been artsy 🙂 . Given that fact, we got the idea where we started with. Now it’s been almost three months he has successfully dragged his lazy-bum wife to leave house early every Saturday morning to have quranic-arabic class. And at the end of December, we will start our 3 months quranic-arabic writing/calligraphy class. Meeting new people never fails to give us something to learn. So apart from the lessons themselves, I’m pretty sure these classes will open opportunity for us to take some positive knowledge from people we interact with.

12 years and I can’t be more grateful for what we have become so far as a couple, as husband and wife. Many years ago, even in my dream I never dared to imagine the life we are living now. Every time I think about the now-us and how lucky I have been, my heart swells full of gratitude to Allah, the Turner of hearts. Sigh. I pray He always keep the two of us steadfast in this deen. May He never let us go astray, never let us turn away from Him, and never let us return to the life full of ignorance and arrogance. Aamiin.

Happy 12th Anniversary, Husband! 🙂

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